Backing Lessons Please "If You Love Me"

Backing Lessons Please "If You Love Me"

For those of us passionate about the angling arts, one item on the love list stands above all others. Not roses on Valentine’s Day, not remembering anniversaries and not putting down the toilet seat. No matter what you do, you have to teach your significant other how to back a trailer.

Robert Sharp’s minivan is pulled from the Columbia River at the Marine Park boat launch Tuesday after his wife, Teresa, backed too far down the ramp while putting their boat in the water. No one was reported injured. (Troy Wayrynen/The Columbian). Be careful what you wish for Mike Jones! 

Robert Sharp’s minivan is pulled from the Columbia River at the Marine Park boat launch Tuesday after his wife, Teresa, backed too far down the ramp while putting their boat in the water. No one was reported injured. (Troy Wayrynen/The Columbian). Be careful what you wish for Mike Jones! 

This is a timeless story 

If you’re waiting on me, you’re backing up

I am probably the last guy on planet Earth who should advise anyone regarding affairs of the heart. Women? Haven’t figured out the code. And, it seems very few of my fellow love bandits have done much better.

Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but no one has adequately explained how to make the whole relationship work. It seems like the ultimate crapshoot. Meet a girl, fall in love and then hang on for dear life.

Even so, there is hope. No matter how little we understand the entire process, there are small victories along the way that can make a big difference.

For those of us passionate about the angling arts, one item on the love list stands above all others. Not roses on Valentine’s Day, not remembering anniversaries and not putting down the toilet seat. No matter what you do, you have to teach your significant other how to back a trailer.

Like scheduling that long overdue dental appointment, instructing your little kitten in the fine art of backing down a ramp is time well spent. Unless she absolutely shuns all things boating-related, it is well worth the effort, if for no other reason than we give the appearance of actually caring.

By this simple gesture of inviting her into your world, you will appear to be doing a selfless act entirely for her benefit. She will be learning a new and valuable skill. Of course, there is no need to tell her the real reason which is simply that you are sick of tying off at the dock, jogging to the truck, backing down, tight-roping your way along the sides of your vehicle to avoid getting wet, loading the boat and again tight-roping your way back into the cab to be on your way.

If she balks at your suggestion, then it’s time to play the safety card. Generally, this comment is accompanied by a vague reference to some vague event where you might suffer some vague injury. Should this gambit fail to convince, you’ll need to give her an example that might hit closer to home.

It goes something like this: “Listen honey, what if your friend Judy calls up one day and there is an unbelievable close-out sale on shoes at (insert name of favorite store) and my rig is blocking the driveway?” This should work in all but the most extreme situations - unless your sweet love monkey doesn’t so much as blink before responding “I guess I’d have to drive my car across the front lawn.” If that’s her response, Houston you do have a problem.

But no matter how you slice it, sooner or later, the lady in your life will have to back your trailer. Trust me, it will happen and most likely at a crowded ramp on a busy day with plenty of us around. Us meaning your angling and boating brethren who will be waiting impatiently and muttering under our collective breath about your jackknifed rig.

It will not be pretty, nor will the Mother of All Arguments that is sure to erupt once the mother of your children has had enough. So, even if you believe that such training is a waste of time, if not for yourself, do it for us.

-Michael Jones-

Outdoor writer for Bassmasters, Bass Times, Western Outdoor News, and countless other magazines throughout the US. Here are some of my excerpts from Boat and Walley Magazine that just might put a smaile on your face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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